At the top of the list of “lessons learned” is the art of being demanding without being demeaning– an art at which Jay says Coach K excelled. “He was very demanding,” noted Jay. “But his criticism never cut into your character as a person or an athlete. It was about your performance.” This way of managing people balances keeping teammates confident and accountable to each other.
The author of Toughness: Developing True Strength On and Off the Court, Jay believes mental discipline and “relentless preparation” hold the key to winning and learning from losing. “Whether you are stepping onto a basketball court, getting your argument in order for a legal case, or preparing to lead a meeting, you have to be right and ready,” Jay said. “But even relentless preparation doesn’t give you the right to success,” he added. “You still have to perform. And practice and performance are often not the same.”
Jay doesn’t define toughness as the capacity for pain and suffering in the pursuit of victory but rather as meeting challenges and acknowledging that you may fail in a game or a test of leadership in your job. “The toughness lies in knowing you have it within you to honestly assess those failures and attack the problem.”
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